Childhood Transgender Barbie Project

I've told some of my friends about this. I've wanted to write about it for a while because it is so funny. I wish I still had her/him, but I must have sold her/him in a garage sale (which is what I did with everything I owned as a kid...I needed that 50 cents!).

Anyway, this is the deal. When I was little, my friend, Tennille, and I liked to play "Cinderella" with my Barbies. However, I only had 3 of them and no Ken. So, we needed a Prince Charming, see? One day we had one of the best ideas that has ever occurred to a couple of 9-year-olds.

Now, I had this one Barbie that had lost the little swivelly part that is attached to the neck and makes the head turn (I know you know what I'm talking about. Who hasn't pulled Barbie's head off at least once?) Since she didn't have this particular part of her doll anatomy, we had to shove her head down onto her neck which gave her an extremely square chin, a weird, deformed face and an abnormally short neck.

Well, she was the chosen one. This is what we did:

First order of business: breast removal. We went to my dad's shop, i.e. the building in the backyard where all his tools were, and found the belt sander. I am sure that we were not even supposed to touch it, but ignoring that fact, we turned it on and sanded those boobs right off. Because I was a child, I mistakenly thought that Barbie was a solid mass of plastic. I was, of course, wrong. She is hollow, people. Now, Man-Barbie had to large holes in her chest.

Next order of business: new hair-do. We cut it all off. She looked like she had bad hair plugs. Prince Charming could NOT have bad hair plugs, and the horror of that possibility lead us to our next epiphany.

I had this knock-off Barbie that that I got in Knox City at a store called Perry's. It probably cost about a dollar. This fake Barbie was completely bald and came with three wigs. Of course, I had already lost two of the wigs (and the doll). The only wig that I had left was the blond fro. The wig was made of a thick plastic half-sphere. It looked more like a round, skin colored hat with hair coming out of it than an actual wig. Well, we glued it to Man-Barbie's head. He now had a blond fro and a permanent abnormally large noggin with an 1/8 inch ledge rising up off of his forehead (and around the rest of his head). It also covered his ears to half way down.

Viola! We had our Prince Charming! Unfortunately, we could never get the feet to stand flat, as opposed to the perpetual high heel stance. I could never think of any tool in my dad's arsenal that could fix that.

I wish I had a picture of this thing. It was like my Frankenstein's monster of childhood. It was probably the ugliest doll that ever walked the earth. Needless to say, though, Cinderella loved him and lived happily ever after! Every time.


Addendum: I also gave one of my other Barbies a short haircut and then proceeded to dye its hair black with a Marks-a-lot marker. That one I still have. Next time I find it, I'll take a picture.

Inspired experimentation

I was so inspired by the man on the travel channel that I went to a Mexican food restaurant and ate a tongue taco.



It was good.

Maybe next time I'll try a brains tosada...okay, maybe not.

It's official, Spainish foods are bizarre...

There is a show on the travel channel in which the host goes to different countries and eats the weirdest food that he can find. So, last week he went to Spain. Here is a list of what he ate:

* Angulas (baby eels)
* Whole roast suckling pig - - tail, ear, tongue, eye, brains
* Baby squid in their own ink
* Crunchy pig ears
* Snails
* Grilled octopus
* Rabo de toro (bull’s tail)
* Callos (casserole made of blood sausage and tripe)
* Ox
* Maruca eggs (dried fish eggs)
* Criadillas (bull’s testicles)
* Deep-fried pork fat
* Tripe
* Jamón Ibérico (air-dried ham made from black-footed Iberian pigs)
* Percebes (gooseneck barnacles)
* Clams
* Langostinos (large prawns)
* Red shrimp
* Rodaballo (Spanish turbot)
* Spiny lobster
* Buey "mustard" (giant Mediterranean stone-clam innards)
* Razor clams
* Deep-fried worms
* Crickets
* Horchata (beverage made with almond milk and tiger nuts)
* Calf’s brains
* Arros de pages amb crestes de gall (rice with rooster combs)
* Nitrogen-cooled sake sorbet with lychee nuts
* Pine-nut meringue

From this list I have eaten (or drunk) snails, grilled octopus, rabo de toro, callos, jamon ibérico, clams, langostinos, and horchata. I don't like snails or clams or callos that much, but the rest of the ones that I have tried are really good.

Actually, Spaniards do eat a lot of strange seafoods. It is a peninsula, after all. If you go to the fish market, you don't just see fish, you see all of these weird kinds of marine animals too, many of which are still alive. It's like going to a macabre aquarium. Jose used to chastize me for going up and touching them all the time.

My friend saw the show and she said that the host didn't like horchata. I couldn't believe it! It's not the same kind of horchata, made of rice, that you get here. Like it says in the list, it's made of tiger nuts (chufa). Let me tell you, it is sooooo goooood!

Since I have a little experience in this field of study, I want to add a few other foods to the list that the host didn't try. He didn't go down to Andalucía after all! One thing that he didn't have on his list, which is something that my in-laws eat, on occasion, in there own home, is something called "sangre frita." That is, "fried blood." It's coagulated chicken (or pig) blood fried and mixed with a sauce of tomatoes, onion and peppers. At least that is how my mother-in-law makes it. I tried it once and didn't like it.

Another dish that comes directly from Granada is called "tortilla de sacromonte" or "Sacromonte omelette". This omelette has brains and testicles of lamb in it. I never tried it, nor do I desire to. That's mad cow disease just waiting to happen.

The other "bizarre food" that Americans find gross is morcilla. However, I love it. Yum! When Jose and I go back to Spain to visit, all we want to eat is jamón, morcilla, and cheese. And me, I also want to drink wine.

Well anyway, the host has been to places where the food is a lot weirder...do any of you know what a balut is? It's a delicacy in the Philipines...check it.

Monthly post

My friends had the nerve to get hitched in Jamaica and then just have a measly party for the rest of us here in Austin.

Actually, the party was great. beautiful. awesome! For reals, it rocked. I was so mad at myself for not taking more pictures. There were people there that I hadn't seen in years and years. I just didn't FEEL like taking pictures (yet another reason why I shouldn't let my emotions rule me).

Well, anyway, here's the happy couple and cute Nico:

Aubony envelops moi (for a change):

Here's what a woman pregnant with twins looks like (NOT me, her):

Of course I took more pictures that that. Or, I should say, that Jose and Tori took more pictures than that. I think I might have taken one.

On a slightly different note, sorry for the scant posts. I've been chillaxin' over at Myspace. At least I'm doing better than Jada. As of now, she hasn't posted in over 2 months. I don't feel so bad. Thanks Jada! I'll try to live a more interesting life and then post about it.