Tuesday, October 17, 2006

My Most Embarrassing Moment™

Tonight I want to respond to the embarrassing moment question posed by Jada Bobayda. More specifically, in a post named "Not a Naked Statue" and unofficially in "Condom Talk at Work" in which she relates yet another embarrassing moment. I thought I had embarrassing moments! That girl is a veritable embarrassing moment factory! Just kidding Jada. It's not that bad, really. It's not. No, seriously.

Ok, people. I'm going to tell you the story of My Most Embarrassing Moment™. Here it is, in all it's glory.

Here goes: ...

This is it: ...

Thar she blows:.....

&c: .........

...ok, now that I've psyched myself up with a few Ligers:

It happened when I was in high school nary 11 years past. Actually, I was a Freshman, so that makes it about 15 years past (OMG, I'm getting so old). It all happened in basketball. It was a game day (a Friday), so we were just going to go out on the court and do some light drills. The school worker people had pulled out the bleachers and there were a few guys (not just any guys, the cool guys) from my class sitting in them, watching us.

Well, I was a pretty good player. I had skills. So, I was going up and down the court, doing my layups, blockin' people out, lookin' good. As I finished exhibiting my awesomeness and made my way to the end of the line, I started to notice that a few of the Seniors were pointing at my derriere region and snickering. One Senior girl in particular, Celeste, who, btw, was known to be a "mean girl" type, was pointing and laughing in a "mean girl" kind of way (meaning in a loud and malevolent fashion).

At that moment, one of the female coaches swept up beside me, put her arm around my shoulders, and while whisking me away said, "Sara, we need to go to the locker room."

We entered the locker room and she said, "Sara, look at your shorts." I looked down at my shorts and realized for the first time that half of them were missing. A large swath of cloth from the crotchal area all the way across the right butt cheek just wasn't there anymore. The entire right half of my backside was feeling the gentle breeze of freedom, so to speak. While I was making my awesome layups, everyone in the entire gymnasium was checking out my underoos.

Apparently, this is what had happened. It's totally and completely random, but here it is. My dog, Gretchen, was preggers and she had taken to eating all the weird stuff that she could find (you know how those pregnant women are...). Since I didn't wash my gym shorts every day, well, she must have liked the smell of sweaty gym shorts and decided to make an afternoon snack of them. Of course, she only ate the best part. I'm not going to explain in any more detail.

That afternoon, when I had first put on my shorts, I didn't notice a dad burn thing. Our gym shorts were kind of flowy and baggy, so they always felt a little breezy anyway.

Well, my coach gave me a new pair of shorts and I walked back out there like nothing had happened. That, my friends, is the secret to overcoming embarrassing moments. Act like everything is totally under control.

My friend, Aubony, was present when the incident occurred. We didn't really know each other at the time and she says that she remembers that I came back to practice acting like I had just gone to the bathroom or something. I remember feeling mortified, but I wasn't going to show it. That way, Senior Celeste couldn't laugh at me.



Tim Stewart said...

Sara, that's pretty embarrassing! The crowd was probably so stuck on your b-ball skillz that they didn't notice that your brake lights were flashing, as it were.

That reminds me of this one time (O.K., it was this summer) when I was at Zilker with a friend of mine and I did a cartwheel and totally split my shorts down the middle. Fortunately there wasn't any embarrassment about the situation. We had a good laugh and then drove to Old Navy so I could acquire a new pair of pants. Good times.

Jada said...

Oh gosh, that is embarassing. I like how you totally played it off, though. I still haven't mastered that.