the universal translator

Why is it that in all the movies that are set in "ancient times" or even just "olden times" the actors all have a British accent?

Rule of Thumb

When a friend tells you that you did a bad job of painting your nails, but you actually did a great job and she is mistaking your hangnails and dried up, crusty cuticles for stray polish, then your nail polish is an ugly color.

More party, less boring videos

This is what Tim posted. We sat there for about an hour skipping rocks. It's more fun in real life. Seriously.

Movingon.org...more party pics!

Cornhole is a spectator sport.

Except for Tim, he's looking for buzzards to catch and pet.

These are the "berries" that I tried to get both Tim and Jada to eat. I was unsuccessful with Tim, but Jada ate one. They are really what are known as Pequin peppers. They are "very hot, often 7-8 times hotter than jalapeños." That's from Wikipedia. It must be true. Anyway, they taste like ...burning!

Scary!

I touch you...you touch me! (wasn't that a song or something?) Anyhoo, Tim touches Bowen, Bowen is weirded out.

Tori farts and Jada doesn't like it.

J/K! Tori didn't fart, she is just saying something 11ish.

Second Birthday Parties Rock!

I feel like a hobbit. They eat second breakfast, well, I had a second birthday. My sister-in-law, Amber, turns 30 on Thursday. So Susan decided to throw us a double b-day par-tay in Belton. IWSF!

The CAKE. Yum!

Cornhole, of course. My family is officially addicted.

Tim and Jada, chillaxin' on the patio.

I'm happy because I get more presents. Amber's just happy.

No comment.

Totally and Completely Robbed From Cuteoverload.com

He's all, "This is MA sucka!"

It's just so cute!!!

My Most Embarrassing Moment™

Tonight I want to respond to the embarrassing moment question posed by Jada Bobayda. More specifically, in a post named "Not a Naked Statue" and unofficially in "Condom Talk at Work" in which she relates yet another embarrassing moment. I thought I had embarrassing moments! That girl is a veritable embarrassing moment factory! Just kidding Jada. It's not that bad, really. It's not. No, seriously.

Ok, people. I'm going to tell you the story of My Most Embarrassing Moment™. Here it is, in all it's glory.

Here goes: ...

This is it: ...

Thar she blows:.....

&c: .........

...ok, now that I've psyched myself up with a few Ligers:

It happened when I was in high school nary 11 years past. Actually, I was a Freshman, so that makes it about 15 years past (OMG, I'm getting so old). It all happened in basketball. It was a game day (a Friday), so we were just going to go out on the court and do some light drills. The school worker people had pulled out the bleachers and there were a few guys (not just any guys, the cool guys) from my class sitting in them, watching us.

Well, I was a pretty good player. I had skills. So, I was going up and down the court, doing my layups, blockin' people out, lookin' good. As I finished exhibiting my awesomeness and made my way to the end of the line, I started to notice that a few of the Seniors were pointing at my derriere region and snickering. One Senior girl in particular, Celeste, who, btw, was known to be a "mean girl" type, was pointing and laughing in a "mean girl" kind of way (meaning in a loud and malevolent fashion).

At that moment, one of the female coaches swept up beside me, put her arm around my shoulders, and while whisking me away said, "Sara, we need to go to the locker room."

We entered the locker room and she said, "Sara, look at your shorts." I looked down at my shorts and realized for the first time that half of them were missing. A large swath of cloth from the crotchal area all the way across the right butt cheek just wasn't there anymore. The entire right half of my backside was feeling the gentle breeze of freedom, so to speak. While I was making my awesome layups, everyone in the entire gymnasium was checking out my underoos.

Apparently, this is what had happened. It's totally and completely random, but here it is. My dog, Gretchen, was preggers and she had taken to eating all the weird stuff that she could find (you know how those pregnant women are...). Since I didn't wash my gym shorts every day, well, she must have liked the smell of sweaty gym shorts and decided to make an afternoon snack of them. Of course, she only ate the best part. I'm not going to explain in any more detail.

That afternoon, when I had first put on my shorts, I didn't notice a dad burn thing. Our gym shorts were kind of flowy and baggy, so they always felt a little breezy anyway.

Well, my coach gave me a new pair of shorts and I walked back out there like nothing had happened. That, my friends, is the secret to overcoming embarrassing moments. Act like everything is totally under control.

My friend, Aubony, was present when the incident occurred. We didn't really know each other at the time and she says that she remembers that I came back to practice acting like I had just gone to the bathroom or something. I remember feeling mortified, but I wasn't going to show it. That way, Senior Celeste couldn't laugh at me.

FRENSHIP TIGERS! YAY!

Brow Bone Woe

UPDATE: Here is a picture of my eye. I can see the headline now:

Bruised By A Toddler!

P.S. Check out the awesome eyebrow plucking job. Now that's what I like to call a good-lookin' eyebrow.

Remember how I said that a 3-year-old headbutted me on a trampoline? Well, I now have the makings of a faint but distinct black eye. Seriously. That kid has a hard noggin.

OMG People!

I can't believe that it has been so long since I wrote even one measly post. All of this time and what do I have to show for it? I guess I'll have to do an almost-2-week-round-up special.


Okay, so when we left our intrepid heroine she had just learnt a life-lesson. So, this is what happened next:

I can't remember, let me think about it...

...ohh-kaay, now I remember. We played a soccer game. On Saturday, at 8 o'clock in the morning (dood). We won, btw. In the evening, we went to Tim's indulged in a little "Speed Scrabble-ation" as we are wont to do. Followed by a piquant game of "Pictionary."

Oh, and then, on Sunday we went to church as per usual. Hope Chapel, even, where we heard an insightful sermon on the importance of community. That evening, we went to the home of a Turkish couple. They are observing the fast of the Islamic month of Ramadan (Ramazan in Turkish). They had invited us over to break their daily fast with them. The wife is a good friend of mine. She is always inviting me over for tea. Actually, it started out because I said that I would help her with her English conversation, but we really just like to hang out and talk. Which helps her English conversation, but still. Here is a picture of us together:

If it looks like I am enveloping her, it's because I am. I'm huge. Check this one out:

Total and complete envelopment. She even has a look on her face that says, "Ehn! Stop ENVELOPING me!" Although, she's trying to hide it behind that smile.

...hey, whoa Nelly. Hold the phone. Latter picture reminds me of something. I forgot to post about my birthday par-tay. We sang us some mean karaoke, let me tell you (Aubony and Joe were missed while they were off gallivanting and GETTING MARRIED in Jamaica).

Here are some cool pics of the fated night in question:

Me. Singing who knows what. Being eaten by the giant karaoke machine monitor.

Jada. Being her usual dramatic self. Singing Glory of Love, you know, from Karate Kid III. I loved that song as a wee lass. I'm glad she sang it.

My cousin, Bowen. Singing some song by Metallica or Judas Priest. Also being eaten by the monitor. Jennifer in the foreground, apparently falling asleep (only momentarily as you will see).

Here's Jada again. Eating a monstrous (literally, ha!) cupcake.

Moi. Jada. Jennifer, who was totally woked up by then (photo [and good grammar] courtesy of Tim Stewart).

GUESS WHAT??!!

LIGERS! THAT'S WHAT!

Here is a special comparison of last year's karaoke pose to this year's karaoke pose. They look about the same to me. Just different clothes. White shirt: last year. Brown shirt: this year. As you can see in the first picture, there are no words on the screen behind me. I'm not really singing.

All right! There's a lot more to show and tell about the party, but we need to get back to the almost-2-week-round-up special:

Where was I? Hmmm. Let's see now...okay. Oh, we left off at the Ramadan dinner. It was v. good. My friend is so sweet. She always sends me home with food. It reminds me of a sweet old aunt or something, but she's not even as old as me.

Moving on. Last week was pretty uneventful. This weekend, though, we had another soccer game on Saturday afternoon, which we lost. The captain of our team broke his big toe to boot. It sucked. I thought that I played my worst game evar. My team is very encouraging though. They said that I did ok. However, I found out something even worse right after that game. Tim took pictures and I look so fat in my soccer uniform! It is very unflattering. Oh, the humanity!

Well, now that THAT'S out in the open, we'll move on to Saturday night. Should I mention Saturday night? This post is getting really long-winded. There's so much to catch up on! I know, it's my own fault for not posting in all this time... Well all that happened on Saturday night was that I went to a fun party in which I made S'mores and was attacked and subsequently head-butted on a trampoline by a three-year-old who didn't even notice, while I, on the other hand, was writhing in pain. My brow bone still hurts.

On Sunday we played Mojokickball. My team won. Yay!

Tonight: (Finally! She's nearing the end!) I got to see my cool cousin, brother of Bowen, my favorite Idiot Out Walking Around: WADE!

That's him, on the left. Bowen's on the right. He's here visiting from Iowa. All night I was telling him that he needs to move down to Austin.

Okay, people. That's it. I'll post more frequently so that things don't get so backed up. I know, you bloggers say to pick one topic and write about it. I picked a topic, it's called my life, so deal.

Oh, I forgot to say, Tim called me at 5:20 this morning (I was asleep, imagine that) to tell me that he couldn't give me a ride to work today. It was a very surreal, and short, conversation. All confusing and informative at the same time. It was almost like a dream.