Fries with that?

One thing that Jose is not used to is going through the drive-thru. In Spain, there are exactly 2 drive-thru's in the entire city of Granada (McDonald's and Burger King, of course) and I don't know even one Spaniard who uses them. (They also have no concept of the "doggie bag" or "to go" coffee.) Since we've been here in Texas, we almost never go to the drive-thru. Even when we go on roadtrips we always go in to a restaurant and eat, no matter how long the trip takes.

Now that you know this, I can tell you about something that we've been laughing at all week.

It was Sunday night. We were in the middle of watching the last disc of season 2 of Star Trek: Deep Nine Space. Jada was over at our apartment playing Canal Control on her phone and making fun of us for loving Star Trek. We were hungry. We had just gotten back from the Watermelon Fest trip and we had left the house empty of all human food before we left. So, we were forced to go out and find something to eat. We had to perform the operation quickly because we HAD to get back home and get that Star Trek DVD back up and running again. There was no way that we were going to go in to eat somewhere. NO WAY, I tell you. We were going to have to go through the drive-thru.

We drove around for a while and finally found a Wendy's. We drove up to the speaker. Jose has been to the drive-thru, like, twice in his life. At that moment he is thinking about the possibility that he won't say the right thing, that he won't understand the person talking through the speaker, that they won't understand him...in short, he's a little nervous about the whole thing. Also, he's not of the American "The Customer is Always Right" persuasion, like the rest of us are around here. He is of the "Cause as Little Trouble and Heartache to the Salesperson as Possible" persuasion (it's a Spanish thing). So, he quickly ordered a number 6 with a Diet Coke. Simple. Easy. No trouble at all, ma'am. There is no one that would not have been able to understand him. "Number 6." "Diet Coke." The end.

I, on the other hand, can't decide at first. When I should be choosing what I want, I'm talking to Jada. Jose is telling me to hurry up and order already, while I'm still pondering the menu. All the hurrying up is making ME nervous and I just can't decide. I finally choose a number 7, but I don't know what drink I want. It's late and I don't want caffeine, so after mulling it over a minute or two, I just go with a bottle of water. All this time, of course, Jose is relaying my order to the drive-thru speaker. He's getting antsy. I'm causing stress to the girl on the other side. These delays are reflecting badly on his ordering ability! Well, that was nothing, this is where things get complicated:

I say to Jose, "tell her that instead of fries I want a salad."

Jose says, "WHA?'" (that's how he says it, he leaves off the "T").

"Tell her that instead of fries, I want a salad."

He acts like he doesn't understand, but what's really going on is that he doesn't want to cause the poor drive-thru girl any unwarranted confusion by asking for a salad.

Jose says, "Sara, please! I don't know what you're saying! You say it." By this time, Jada, having been distracted from Canal Control, is laughing at us. I'm also beginning to laugh at the situation.

I say, "No, you can say it. Just say, 'instead of fries, I want a salad.' 'Instead of fries, I want a salad!' You can do it!"

You see, I'm cheering him on. He has to learn!

He is panicking,"Sara! Please! You say it!"

(Jose talks like Antonio Banderas. Imagine Antonio Banderas yelling this.)

I am, at this time, laughing very hard. I give in and try to yell my order across the car, but I am laughing so hard that I'm crying. I feebly get out the word "instead...!" and then I'm doubled over.

Jose is frantic. I'm hysterical. This is going on for way too long. Much longer that a normal drive-thru order should. Through my tears, I watch as Jada, seeing that SOMEONE must take charge, leans forward from the backseat, practically climbing over Jose as she puts her head in the front driver side window and yells, "INSTEAD OF FRIES SHE WANTS A SALAD!"

Finally! The ordeal is over. The girl on the other side of the speaker breathes a sigh of relief. We drive forward. Our new friend, the speaker girl, gives us a disapproving look as Jose hands her our money. She probably thinks that we were high or something. She didn't even THINK about asking what kind of dressing I wanted. She just gave me Ranch.

We went home and ate. We finished Star Trek: Nine Deep Space season 2. Jada made fun of us. It was AWESOME.